This is something I wrote about a year back, I hope it brings a smile to your face :)
Let me know what you think and comment below :)
Jogging down the park, with ‘Rock you like a hurricane’
blaring from my fluorescent green earphones and snug grey hoodie, it was a
happy moment. The sunset beyond the trees in the park looked so perfect. Catching
a deserted wood park bench, I decided to relax for a while. I could hear my
heart thumping, blood gushing through every vein, I felt alive.
This is exactly how it
should be, every moment of your life. This is life. Everything else is
self-created drama to satisfy nonsensical traditions.
I remembered grandpa’s mumblings years ago on the same park
bench after having jogged with me. Panting and a little out of breath, with
this brilliant childlike grin, I would hear him speak golden nuggets of wisdom
- universal truths in a fashion only a man who got to experience life would. He
would ask me simple questions - how was I doing, how was life. And off I would
rattle on and on, things which any other sane adult would simply ignore as a
conceited rampage of madly opinionated teenage mind. I remembered one such
incident very vividly.
…
“So, wassup today? That’s how you speak these days I heard,
going all American.”
“It’s a trend dada. It’s something I am used to. I didn’t
choose it. Now that you have asked, I will tell you what’s up. Only if you tell
me what’s up with you.”
“Same old same old. When you are my age, all you have to do
is keep score of your medicines. Talk whatever you feel like, for everything
sounds perfect. Life is a bit slower though. I don’t attend swanky office
parties or work with overseas clients over phones like you. You tell me, how do
you feel?”
“Sad.” I said simply, and looked down. Like I was guilty or
something. For a long moment we didn’t speak any further. I didn’t know why he
didn’t probe. But he never did. Unlike my parents. It was oddly comforting, it
was like him gently telling me ‘It is okay’ without having uttered anything at
all.
“Let us go for another run” he said finally.
“No, I have something I want to tell you. And something I want
to ask you.”
“I hope it’s not some girlfriend drama you need to talk
about. I still don’t understand females after all these years. Your grandma
acts like a kid whenever she feels like dragging me down the guilt trip, your
mother is tolerable, but then again there’s the maid. She is the most cunning,
deceptive females I have come across. And she’s not even educated. That alone
can spark off some research on education and intelligence. She is enough for
that, she is absolutely more than enough.”
I couldn’t help laughing when he went on these rants. The
animation on his face clearly gave away how he was exaggerating for comical
effect. It was something I think I inherited from him.
“No no dada, it’s no girlfriend drama. Not at all. I am just
sad as in dissatisfied. I feel stuck in an infinite loop. That is it. I don’t
like it.”
“Even this jog isn’t going to take you anywhere. We are
still running in circles right?”
I pondered for a moment before responding.
“But it is improving something in me. Physically. And I am
running with the best person I know”
“Exactly my point”
“Don’t be laconic as always.”
“Okay, so here’s my deal. I know it’s a circle. But I feel
different at the end of every circle. Maybe we are running on the same path with
the same person, but we change, physically and mentally. It looks the same.
Since it’s a place. But what you are, with whom you are, how you both are
together changes, Rahul. Nothing is constant, even if it appears to be so. It
just can’t be. Now if you say you are dissatisfied, it’s not because of this
infinite loop, it’s because you want another loop. You just haven’t found it
yet.”
“Really?”
“Yes and no. That’s just a theory. Point is, there’s scope
to change everywhere. But you have to determinedly make it happen.”
“You don’t understand how scary it is, do you?”
“The best things always are”
“You mean the best thing that ever happened to you, you were
afraid of it at first?”
“No, I mean the best things that ever happened to be,
terrified me at start”
“Really, like what?” I wasn’t going to let my I-will-exaggerate-everything
grandpa get away without an explanation or example.
“Like your father for instance. Don’t tell him though. I was
always bad with kids. They terrified me. You need to take care of them in every
way, and god forbid anything happen to them, you would have only you to blame.
I hated the thought of having someone to take care of. Your grandmother was
already someone I did that for, but it was easy, she was self-sufficient. She
could shout out her way of any mess. She still does. But bringing someone else
into the picture, someone more helpless than our imagination and making them
into a proper talking person, with a personality was terrifying. But it was the
best. I mean he turned out to be a proper person somehow. In spite of the
combined madness of me and your grandma. And then he got you into the world,
the perfectly mature, brilliant son.”
“You didn’t tell how you coped up with it. Your fear”
“Well for the most part, the fear was the first step, the
fear lied most in deciding. And then it was easier. Then again fear struck when
he actually came into the world. I could feel my hands shiver as I held him for
the first time. But like all other humans, I got help. I was not alone in this.
There was a team. And even without them, I genuinely became better. I did
things I never did before, teaching, caring and loving. It wasn’t easy. But it
was effortless. I think most challenges work like clockwork once we do face
them heads on. There’s no point shying away, there’s no use either. Especially
after you have decided. Something will
make everything work out”
“But what about taking the next step. Like what you say is a
change. What I want is absolutely earth shattering change you know. I am going
to be on a flight to California next week. I am going to be away from each one
of you. It will be devastating. How will I build up what I have here? Is that
even possible? I will have firangs
and nerdy Indians all around me. No more color, just neatness. Irritating
neatness. I never thought I would miss these roads. But I do already, they are
so flawed, they give me a sense of belonging. What will I become there dada?
Will it be enough? Will it be too much for me?” and with that I choked. Stifling
a sob though, being the man, I just sat there. I could feel his soft, wrinkled
palm now trying to touch my hair. My face in my palms, I tried to control what
had been wanting to come out since the day I decided ‘this was happening’. His
hands didn’t help though, I felt like sobbing uncontrollably.
“Rahul, look at me” he said after feeling it was safe to
reveal my face now, now that the moment seemed to have passed.
“Yes, don’t tell anyone this” I said like a 3 year old kid
found eating more than allowed candy.
“About what?” And he winked with his all-knowing smile.
I just looked on solemnly, regretting this outburst,
waiting. All he said is –
“I am not going to lie to you Rahul, it is going to be
difficult. It is like leaving a world of your creation and entering another.
But I will tell you this once, so listen carefully. It is going to be magic.
Whatever it is. You will change, it will seem too much, way too much. But
that’s what life is. When you sit on this bench, some decades later, you will
have plenty of wrinkles. From smiles. Even from frowns. And you should have
those. That’s what makes you beautiful. That’s what makes life beautiful. You
know how when we run and become so breathless in a while and tired, yet the
same time we feel more alive than ever. That is exactly how it should be, every
moment of your life. This is life. Everything else is self-created drama to
satisfy nonsensical traditions. And
that’s how it is going to be when you try to build a life for yourself out
there. Stranded, confused, scared and alone, but you will know there’s someone
miles away who loves you more than anyone. And when you cross that bridge, work
hard, you will look back and remember me, you will marvel at the life you have
made for yourself, at your successes. I know you will.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I want this for you. And you know how it is for me, I
always get what I want” he concluded with his brilliant smile.
And that was enough for me to dust myself off and start
running another round.
…
California had been everything he had said that day and much
much more. And so had been my other country trips, interactions with all sorts
of people. Turned out, I did get what he wanted for me. I wished I could just
have one last talk though. But I was sure, some miles away, some miles far
above me, in the stars he must be looking down now. And loving me the best way
anyone ever could.
